People & Society

Welcome back to this week’s episode of: “What is the Lord teaching me today?” This is quickly becoming something my heart craves: a moment with the keyboard, my thoughts, and Jesus. I know that someday, I’m going to look back on these articles and cringe, but today is not someday.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in the book of Leviticus in scripture. Exciting, I know. Don’t let me lose you just yet. [Side Note: I highly recommend the online bible study community SheReadsTruth. It is a joy to read the word with other women from around the world and be encouraged by a short devotional as well. It’s amazing how the same parts of scripture can impact our souls so differently yet so completely at the same time.] Usually, when I get to this part of the bible in my “read through the year” cycle, this might be where I tend to drift off, fall asleep, or skip ahead to the juicier parts. But it struck me afresh this season.

Sacrifice. It’s what we do as moms and wives, husbands and dads, teachers, bosses, laborers, sisters, brothers, daughters, and sons – humans. We are familiar with the word. We are almost always weighing our own personal desires against the desires of those we support or the collective and deciding whether or not we will sacrifice our wants and needs for that of others. I know you can relate. Call it what you will: self-care, selfishness, selflessness, or martyrdom, our proverbial pendulum of sacrifice is often seen through our own experiential lens. But I asked myself: what do I truly know of the word?

The unknown author of Hebrews in Scripture writes: “In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.” This is referencing Christ’s perfect sacrifice for us atoning once and for all the blood sacrifices described in Leviticus then rendered necessary by the fall (Heb. 12:4). Something had to die to cover the naked shame of mankind. The Lord covered that full exposure of Adam and Eve with the skin of an animal and that animal would have bled and died because it lost its skin. Death came as a result of sin, blood ran because of sin, and there had to be a consistent renewal of this situation because there was always something to cover. God gives explicit instructions in Leviticus, down to which ear lobe to wipe the blood on, to cover the multitude of categorical sins. It’s wildly descriptive and wildly specific.

Chapter 4 includes something that I had never noticed before. It is specifically relating to the sacrifices necessary for unintentional sinning. If I am being honest with you, I would have to tell you that I have bought into the cultural lie that if you do something unintentionally, then you aren’t really responsible for the consequences of your actions. I would take it so far as to say that I have even subscribed to the theory that if you are offended or hurt by something I did unintentionally, that it’s actually more of a you problem than a me problem. Like the saying: “That sounds like a you problem.” I mean, what does that even mean? Apart from gaslighting and helping me deny responsibility for any pain I may have caused, I can’t think of a good reason to perpetuate this any longer.

I am not suggesting that you should take personal responsibility for every feeling everyone has all of the time. And this is not to say that those of us who have a habitual apologizing problem need to take comfort in this. Boundaries are good, not everything is your fault, and you are not personally responsible for people’s actions and feelings. Hear me out: what I am trying to explain is that when you do hurt someone deeply, for real, and you do it unintentionally, you still need to own it. Not by saying: “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “it’s unfortunate that you misunderstood me.” Those are both cop-outs. You need to say: “I’m so sorry that my actions or words have caused you pain. It was unconsciously done. I see, appreciate, and understand the value of your words and feelings. Please know that I will be more careful to avoid causing you this pain in the future.” Whether or not they accept your apology is not on you. Whether or not your relationship continues in a healthy way is not entirely upon your shoulders. What is up to you is a consistent commitment to starting each day new, loving like there was no rift, and giving like you are not afraid to get hurt again. – Because that is the example that we have been shown. –

It is clear that in Leviticus the people were to own their unintentional sins. They had to purchase a sacrifice for it, bring that sacrifice to the altar, spill the blood of that sacrifice, wear the blood of that sacrifice, and be cleansed by the blood of that sacrifice. The sacrifice for UNINTENTIONAL SINS. This is a powerful and mindblowing moment for me as a believer. Possibly 41 years of faith (birth to now) and I can honestly say that I have never felt more free than I do at this moment.

By owning my sin, confessing my sin, and accepting the forgiveness of my sin by the blood of Jesus, I have been set free from the heavy burdens I have been carrying that aren’t mine to carry. I have walked so many miles with the weight of others’ feelings and opinions on my shoulders when Jesus LITERALLY says his yoke is easy and his burden is light. So much so that I have lost sleep, had crazy dreams, and woken up only to find that I am still exhausted. I want to go back to living with open hands, open arms, and an open heart. Hands that are open to fully give to the Lord the things that are his and the things that aren’t mine to carry. Open hands that are willing to accept the things the Lord has for me. Open arms that are welcoming to anyone. Open arms that are reaching for the sky in worship of the King. Open heart that is ready, willing and able to love freely the people the Lord loves. Open heart that is home to the Holy Spirit and genuinely overflowing with his grace and mercy.

There are days that before I open my eyes I thank the lord for his goodness and sing: “This is the day that the Lord has made,” and then there are other days. Days where before I open my eyes I pray: “Oh, Lord Jesus, be with me.” I made up a silly song to the ToysRUs jingle:

It’s OK that I really do have days that I wake up and this is my mindset. If I get stuck here, you all have my permission to kick me. But what if I changed those last two lines…

I don’t wanna wake up but I know when I do,

I know you will do just what you do

I’m excited to see what tomorrow holds.