People & Society

“All these people died still believing what God had promised to them. They did not receive what was promised to them, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously, people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God. For he has prepared a city for them.” Hebrews 11:13-16

Prayer. It starts and ends here. My inner dialogue, punctuated by moments of pure flesh and insanity, is mostly prayer. My father taught me the only thing I know how to say in Italian. “Mi prendi in giro?” which means “Are you kidding me?” in English. Rest assured this, phrase forms in my head and comes out my lips more times than I would like to admit on the daily. There is a lot I do not understand here. There is a lot I don’t understand day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute… but knowing that there is more, believing that there is more, trusting that there is more – THAT is what keeps me moving forward.

This moment in my life marks many endings. My husband is quick to remind me that the beginnings that are coming are beautiful, and that my focus should be on those… and he’s right. BUT, that doesn’t stop the endings from pushing feelings out my eyeballs. Change has been very consistent in my life, and the Lord has always been faithful. The writer of Hebrews, the PEOPLE written about understood this. The very first sentence explaining that they died believing what God had promised struck me anew today.

This is not my home. So when I feel anxious, untethered, weary, lost, unsure, and uncentered, I am in good company. BUT, I devote my all to loving God and his people wherever I find myself for the sake of knowing Christ and sharing Christ. That hopefully, if you are like me in your moments of doubt, you can exhale and peacefully step out into what the Lord has for you because, in the light of eternity, everything that seems big shrinks.

Holding on to goodness and hope, looking forward to a city where I feel home, now that is what drives me. We get glimpses of it here. For me, it’s when my husband holds me close, or my daughters laugh. It’s when I wave goodbye to family after a holiday spent together. It’s grabing minutes with friends and leaning deep into the real talk, sharing inner-dialogue and being completely understood – no matter how unreasonable or illogical the thoughts are. Home. I long for that. I hope that when you spend time with me, you feel home – that you long a little more for heaven with me. That we encourage each other to share a piece of heaven everywhere we go. There is more. Odds are I will die holding to that promise… but knowing I am in good company is a beautiful thing.