People & Society

I am not a natural mother-woman. Over the last 19+ years, it has become glaringly apparent that there are just some things that come easier to other women than they do for me. Breastfeeding was a complete disaster. So much so that I would go to the car to do it if we were in public for fear of being arrested for indecent exposure. One time, my MIL and I were taking my newborn to the doctor for an appointment and my baby got hungry while we were waiting. My milk let down, so I tried to do it standing by the table. I kid you not, milk not only sprayed my baby in the face making her choke, but the stream was like 6ft long, wouldn’t stop, and both mom and I were slipping in it on those medical tile floors trying to clean it up before the doctor came in. (Sitcom worthy moment for sure!)

I have always thought it was hilarious when my kids fell down. Even if they were hurt, it was often hilarious! One time, Dani was sliding down a hallway in socks. She slipped so hard that her feet went up over her head. She was hurt (pride and head), but I couldn’t stop laughing (I was actually crying laughing), so John was the one to comfort her. He is usually the one to say: “Honey, you should probably go hug her and say something encouraging.”

One time when we were living in the woods, a bear came up to the trampoline where all the neighborhood kids were jumping. All of the other moms ran TOWARD the danger to protect their kids. I ran upstairs to wake John so that he could take care of it. Logically, I was thinking, “What am I gonna do against a bear?” You know those news stories with headlines like: “Mom Lifts Car Off Bike to Save Child” – Yeah, not in the cards for this momma.

Cooking, cleaning, laundry, decorating, homemaking… all things that are basically a crap-shoot. It’s all or nothing with me. I either knock it out of the park or fail miserably. Seriously, meals are either delicious or inedible. If I’m gonna clean, it’s all or nothing. What about decorating you ask? Well, John has basically taken that job over since the time he came home and our bedroom looked like a brothel. I genuinely thought that maybe he would like the rich chocolate brown comforter with the scarlet red satin sheets. He didn’t. We all got a good laugh at that one and I’m sure there are pictures somewhere. I think his exact response was: “Wow, that’s something.”

I realized a long time ago that my worth as a mother and woman needed to not be tied to my comparison to other moms OR an idea of what I thought a mom should be. I knew I was going to be different from the moment I held Dani in my arms. John was always destined to be the quintessential girl-dad, but me… I was going to have to figure out this thing one moment at a time. All of it was so foreign to me. In fact, there are still days when I feel like an alien when it comes to mothering and I have officially reached the stage where my kids are on autopilot. I have exactly 263 days left with a child in my home. After that, I am living life with my adult kids. A new era for me to feel inadequate has begun. Kidding, not kidding.

In all seriousness, perhaps you can relate. Maybe you haven’t personally hosed down a doctor’s office with your baby-juice, but you might have your own version of motherhood fears and failures. Maybe you joke about saving for therapy instead of weddings, too. Can I offer you a little bit of truth that I speak to myself? Your worth isn’t tied to an ideal. If you are a Christian, your worth and value are solely in Christ and what he has done. You may do some things well and other things poorly, but none of that really matters in light of what he has done. Do you love God? Do you love others? Are you loving God & your family with all that you are? If the answer is yes, then you are exactly who you are supposed to be doing exactly what you are supposed to do. Make a list of all the ways that you are uniquely gifted. Connect that to what you do well as a mom. Chances are that is exactly what your child needs. God doesn’t make mistakes. He gives us opportunities.

Maybe you are a natural mother-woman. Maybe you are all the things I will never be. Praise the Lord that he made you that way! I know I do. I am so thankful that there are moms in my daughters’ lives who are nurturing and natural. They teach my daughters all the things I can’t. Maybe you are like me, and it has taken a while to figure out what you are good at. Maybe you are a good mentor and someone who will be able to walk alongside your child through the trials in their life. Maybe you don’t feel the need to fix their owies and hurts or protect them from everything, but you certainly know how to teach them to walk with crutches. Maybe you’re funny or sarcastic, maybe you are introspective and wise, maybe you are creative and adventurous. Whatever you are, I can guarantee you that it is exactly what is needed. God will fill in the gaps. Sometimes where you are weakest, that’s where the real work gets done.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Cor. 12:9

So here is where I need to preach to myself: The next time you start to feel like a Martian Mom, remember that you are not alone. All of our flaws are opportunities for Jesus to shine more brightly. If you laugh when your kid falls down, you are in good company. You can laugh and love them at the same time. With practice, it will start to become more normal for you to walk over and hold them when they are crying. Love God, Love your kiddos, and trust that God will use your weaknesses for his glory. After all, they belong to him and are just on loan to you. (It’s not a lease, and you can’t trade them in for newer models in case you were wondering.) Go enjoy being a mom today.