People & Society

In 2023 alone, I have counted at least 7 different changes that are headed my way. They seem to be washing over me like a flood. There are moments (you know, the good ones where I’m actually focused on Jesus) when I’m just excited and smile thinking about it all. And then there are moments (you know, the bad ones where I’m only looking at my circumstances) when I’m overwhelmed, my breathing starts to turn to panic, and I run for the nearest paper bag to breathe into. (Actually, I text all my girls in all caps… but same dif.) THIS IS REALITY, FOLKS! My cheeks turn red, my neck starts to get all splotchy, and I resonate with Peter… again.

I say “again” because that guy and I have a lot in common. I’m a ready-fire-aim kinda girl. A jump first, ask questions later. Are you being attacked by a mob? I will TOTALLY jump in front of you and cut off their ears. Do you need someone to volunteer without knowing what they are volunteering for? Pick me, choose me, LOVE ME! Does someone need to ask the question everyone is thinking but knows they shouldn’t ask because it would be rude and most likely get you disinvited to future events? I’m your girl! Sure – I will regret volunteering for cleaning up all the poo, I will immediately feel bad for cutting off their ears, and I will most certainly ask the question: “What was I thinking?” after jumping into the icy water of public disdain, but hey, one of us has to go first and make all the mistakes. – so you – are – welcome!

The incongruity of it all is not lost on me. It is nonsensical actually. The one thing constant about my whole life is: change. I have come to know this word well. In fact, I have seen the hand of the Lord working in all his glory within that word, but it wasn’t always that way. I used to pray for consistency, comfort, and quite frankly the commonplace. It was a desire of my heart for sameness over change. I thought that if I just had these things, contentment would follow. However, it has delighted the Lord to mercifully not answer those prayers in the way I desired, but to show me how to have those things in the midst of constant change. He has kept me on my toes to keep me on my knees and because of that, I am full.

Full is a great word. I’m full. In so many ways, the simplicity of this little word is precisely descriptive. Maybe it is because there are more thoughts in my brain than I have the time to process, there are more feelings in my body than I have the energy to contain, and there are more words in my heart than I have the language to express… and yet I have an indescribable peace about all of it and the best way to put a word to it is: full.

Psalm 37:4 says: “Delight in the Lord, and he will give you all the desires of your heart.” How many times has this been claimed out of context? “Lord, I delight in you! Now, the desire of my heart is financial freedom, so I will go buy that lottery ticket today. Thank you and goodnight!” Friends, that is NOT what this means. As you can tell from my story and the desires of my heart – specifically the desire for sameness – that this isn’t how God works. He isn’t just waiting for my Amazon cart to fill up with desires that he can bless me with just because I love him. It works the other way. When I am delighting in the Lord, and truly connecting with who he is in truth and character and love… my heart forms more to the shape of his heart… and my desires actually become his desires that have always been and he delights to give me the desires of my heart because they are actually HIS DESIRES! Does that make sense? When my heart truly delights in the Lord, my desires ARE his desires and it is BEAUTIFUL! So, the consistency and comfort I desire he shows me in his character NOT in my circumstances. The change that causes me anxiety, well, he shows me this is actually his plan to draw me into his sameness. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Whatever you are going through, whatever you are looking at in your future, keep your eyes up, put away your swords, do your best to keep your feet from jumping and your arms from raising, and maybe don’t say that thing you really think needs to be said. Just pray. Delight in the Lord. Find the comfort and constant in the changing tide. Walk with me in attempting to do these things. Sure, are we gonna mess up? You betcha! But he’s got even that and we will feel full.